ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
