Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
