I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
