she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize