my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
