and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
