If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
