I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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