things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize