What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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