Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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