I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
