you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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