my mouth tastes like poor choices
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
