I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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