I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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