my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize