y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize