We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize