Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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