I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize