every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize