We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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