His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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