Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
