I wanna bring you to show and tell
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
