i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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