is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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