That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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