we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
