OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
