Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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