never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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