It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
