Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
