who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
