even my farts smell like vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
