Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When are your genitals available?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
