Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
