my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
