Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
