Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
