Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
