also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
