You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
