i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
