that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
