And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's always time for handjobs
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize