The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
