it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
