The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
