You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
