Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
