im holly from the hills drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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