You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
