Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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