Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
