the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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