I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
