we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
