hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
