I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
