I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
