i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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