jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
