Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
