i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
