I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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